Creating Tension for a Great First Kiss

Good relationships tend to have some element of surprise and the unexpected in them. The key ingredient? Tension.
While it may seem counterproductive, tension actually helps to create a positive environment. Tension is critical in the early stages of a relationship and can be a healthy stepping-stone in establishing a deeper connection down the road. Create tension for your first kiss and you'll be off to a strong start.
Stormy seas or smooth sailing?
In a new relationship, most men make the mistake of rushing forward like Speedy Gonzales most men make the mistake of rushing
forward like Speedy Gonzales. Inadvertently they end up killing tension. They forget that all the fun and memories are created when you survive a stormy sea. A relationship without tension is like a boat on a placid lake: ultimately it creates a status quo experience, and nobody wants to be plain old status quo.
Imagine a romantic evening at your place over a bottle of wine. If you are like most men, you simply wait for the wine to take effect to see how far things will go. A better approach is to use the evening as an opportunity to create tension, thus establishing a stronger foundation for your future relationship together.
Here is how to play out the scenario to create tension:

You: Lean over to casually play with her hair while talking to her.
Her: She seems not to mind as you continue to talk.
You: Intentionally stop playing with her hair. Wait a minute and start playing with her hair again.
Her: She reacts to this by smiling while you continue to chat.
You: Stop playing with her hair and look into her eyes.
Her: She puts her hand on your leg and starts caressing it.
You: Start playing more intensely with her hair and slowly move in to give her a soft kiss on each Pull back for a moment to create tension
cheek. Pull back for a moment to create tension Pull back for a moment to create tension. Then lean in to give her a slow kiss on the lips.
You: Stop kissing her while still playing with her hair. (Note: You are pulling back with the kissing while still moving forward.)
You: Lean in to kiss her again and after a few moments (maybe 30 seconds), you will feel her energy opening up indicated by the pressure of her lips now pressing on yours. The key here is that she is initiating the pressure.
You: Gently pull the pressure off your lips and pull your lips back. This triggers her increasing the pressure.
Be consistently inconsistent
With glasses fogging over, I think you get the idea. The idea is that the constant "push and pull" creates in her the desire of continually wanting more. It amps up the chemistry.
On a deeper level, you are also sending information that you are a patient man who is self-disciplined. Self-disciplined men are more attractive to women because they are more likely to have self-discipline in other areas of life -- a necessary trait for success.
Pulling back and pushing forward also has the benefit of sending mixed signals to her nervous system, keeping it from being able to adjust.
The result leaves the receiver feeling wonderful. Remember, one thing you should do when being physical with a women is to be consistently inconsistent. It's one of the few forms of inconsistency she'll appreciate!

Handling Rejection When Dating

Rejection is one of our greatest fears and a fear that can do some of the greatest damage to us. When dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self confidence and want to crawl into our shells until we feel stronger again. We may do something outrageous instead, something on the rebound to exact some from of revenge. That can make us feel better. The fact is, being rejected hurts, whoever we are.

Most people like being loved and like being popular. It makes us feel good about ourselves. We sometimes meet grumpy people who say that they don't care what others think of them and whilst there maybe be one or two who do think that way, most of us hate being not liked. The way we handle rejection though is dependent on many self factors, our childhood, the way we were brought up, our earliest relationships etc.

Rejection comes in many forms, from a partner being unfaithful to a loved one moving out or calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone making no effort on your behalf on an important occasions to a partner who simply falls out of love. Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further. But whatever the scenario, of you are on the receiving end of rejection you need to spend some time keeping things in perspective by looking at the bigger picture and relating it to the many positive aspects of your life.

The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves for being rejected when the reality is its usually the other person's problem, not ours. But when we are rejected if we are nice people we can forgive and forget fairly easily and make excuses for the person rejecting us. If we do that we are not helping ourselves. If we are rejected the best thing we can do is to move on, in time.

Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want personal involvement with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected. Maybe its the way you look, your shape or height, your hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted , the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection. You ask yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Lots of "maybes". These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process but they are the things we should try and avoid.

The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us doing all the things we should. It stops us approaching the person we really like. Rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. The way to fix rejection is to balance with confidence building pastimes, activities and thoughts and good times. If you feel good about yourself then you know some truths about yourself too. You know if you are good at your job, if you are organized, well dressed, in shape etc. You don't need to worry about what other people think about you to feel happy about yourself which in turn means that if a date doesn't go well or someone simply doesn't like you then , well , we can't all please everyone can we. To be exact, the more confident you are, the better you will be able to cope with some forms of rejection.

It is beyond the scope of this brief article to suggest ways of dealing with the feelings of rejection that we feel from the failure of a marriage or long term relationship, from fidelity or major domestic drama. But what is true in most cases is that when we are rejected we will come back stronger than ever, over time. Rejection in many instances moves us into a time of reflection and thought, of new perspectives and inner learning. It is a useful process because it also allows us to learn about ourselves.

The thing that annoys me most of all about rejection when dating is the lack of honesty in people. When someone doesn't like you they should say so. When they don't intend to see you again then say so. If they are not going to call then they should admit it. There is nothing more refreshing on a single date that either party being honest and saying that they would prefer to leave it there. When we are lied to, the feeling of rejection is compounded.

Another interesting facet of rejection is that there are people out there who will reject before they themselves are rejected. Its a kind of defense mechanism. If they feel they are not doing too well, they will dump you, before you may possibly dump them. I know some people who have told me that they have never been rejected or dumped because they always do it first. So keep that in mind if someone rejects you.

I don't have all the quick answers to this complex topic but I will say that if you learn about yourself, get to know your weaknesses and find ways of keeping your perspective open, your realism levels in tact, your humor great and your confidence bubbling then rejection will wash over you from time to time easier than if you don't. Looking back on my life, if I were to imagine myself with most of the people who have rejected me, I couldn't. That is because they were never right for me in the first place.